the kitty's toy box

A closure.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 04:11:51 GMT

I've came to the conclusion tonight that I have only TWO motivations to move on with my life and continue with this fictitious happiness.
To be with my true love, be able to fall in his arms and enter his mind and emotions. Sweep him off his feet & make him the most happiest person alive. Finally be truly happy & fulfilled once again. I will wait forever for Michael and I will give up everything to be with him once again because being with him is my profound euphoria. I have never felt that way with anyone else or with anything. I know that he is my true love and something way beyond that. I haven't been with him in over a year now...and I feel just as strongly about him as I did when I first spoke to him. A concrete feeling. It is never ending & never fading. He is my other half. I feel it and I know it. I've known it from the beginning.

I will walk through life with my moms attitude. I will conquer my depression & learn how to live this fake plastic life. To survive. Learn how to live happily even though it never will be true happiness... I am going to prove to my mom that I am intelligent & capable of anything I put my mind too. I want her to be proud of me.

This is all I honestly want in my life. I'll pray every night for these things to come true.

<3

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 20:37:52 GMT

this journal is now history~

My kittys <3

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 04:44:24 GMT

Listen up! I REALLY need someone to help me take my kittys off my hands. I'm about to move to Kentucky in a few weeks or less and it would mean the world to me if one of my friends or at least aquantences would adopt at least one of them...I love them so much that I don't want to give them up to anyone else but someone I know so I can see them again and keep in touch with how they are doing. They are perfectly healthy kittys and they are so lovable and playful. I swear you would fall madly in love. :) I don't want to post pictures of them because photographs do not do them justice, at all. So, if you are interested (ANYONE!) please let me know. We can arrange a meeting so you can bound with the kitty and I'll tell you all about them. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I just hate the idea of giving them to a complete stranger. :( Honestly, I hate giving them away to anyone. But it is a emergency! =^..=^

Also, if anyone knows my mother, please give her a call at the hospital. She needs all the support she can get. The doctor told us this morning that she has only days,weeks, or a month left to be alive... I would appreciate it so much if any old friends would give her a call at least..and even better come visit her. She'll be recieving hospice very soon..so that is the reason why we are moving to Kentucky, at least there she would have her family there for her since almost all of her friends in Memphis basically told her fuck you.
The number is 726-7616.

Answers please!

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 00:29:28 GMT

This might be a weird question..but I was wondering if someone could give me the correct definition of "blue balls"?
I feel retarded for asking but I'm clueless and dictionary.com didn't work. *sob*

P.S. Isn't my icon rocking? :) Thats my cute kitty (best friend), Athena. <3

Blergh.

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 06:23:13 GMT

Life can be so overwhelming at times...
Not always in a good way either.
My emotions feel like they are riding on one of those piece of shit roller coasters at Liberty Land. I could fall off at anytime.
Not much more time until I am at the top of the drop off. It'll be too late to save me then.

9-11 dundundun....

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 08:14:31 GMT

Tonight was definitely one of those random surprisingly good nights. I got off work around 4pm thinking I was just going to sit at home all night playing Final Fantasy X2 in my pajamas, watching porn and eating myself to death. (Don't get me wrong, those nights are pretty damn worthy!) But it doesn't beat reuniting with one of your old best friends, while you were feeling nostalgic all day long. It was so refreshing to see her again & do some of the old things we used to love doing. I had such a wonderful time. She has changed a lot but in a nice way. I'm so grateful that we get along as much as we used too. I've been so nervous about hanging out with her lately that I've been delaying it. (not to mention my anti-social behavior doesn't help one bit)
I would much rather left it off on a good note then a bad one. I'm glad I took the chance though, completely worth it!
Yaaay, I'm so happy I could run around the block naked. =^..^=
Ookkay, so maybe not. I could however run around my house nakie. Weee, oh and by the way..I got to see Michael (always a good thing) and tomorrow is going to kick ass just like every Saturday. Hope everyone elses does too! :)
Happy 9/11 everyone!

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 21:55:19 GMT

Aphex Twin-Milkman video
Creator: David Firth (salad fingers, if you don't know please retire to www.fat-pie.com now)
VERY fucked up!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/190638

go go!!

i discovered new talented artists and one percent of my brain

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 07:59:45 GMT

Just to keep everyone informed I'll make a quick update. ^-^
I've been doing well & I have been having the time of my life..I don't think it could get any better then this. I don't know when I am moving..but obviously it isn't going to be very soon, so I'm not going to worry about it for the time being. Appreciating the special people in my life and great things I have right now..That is all that matters. You only live once, right?
P.S Why is it everytime I write in this damn thing it feels like I'm fucking typing a research paper or something? Reminder: It's a personal journal.

Andrew Bawidamann
(Is this the guy who did Anna Nicole's intro cartoon to her show? It looks nearly like it)

Jennifer Janesko

Olivia de Berardinis

I'm going a little girl crazy. :)

Photo galore!

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 01:06:11 GMT

I'm cleaning out my computer because I have to reformat the piece of shit & along the way I found some old photography of mine. Hope you enjoy! ^-^

My grandmother, without her beauty this picture would have not been so gorgeous.

Sunshine, shes one of the cutest kitty's ever!

Jack, i'm not too bad of a artist!

Sunshine's paw-paw!

Michael & Mr. Gir, this is a really old funny memory. I don't know what the hell I was trying to do though, haha. Keyword: boobies.

One of those amazing moments when the sky is looking beyond beautiful, taken in Florida.

Playing with my blue wig in panties, fun times.

My aunt & me in downtown Louisville.

Kandy & me.

Brad, one of my bestest friends ever. I miss him like no other.

This is the coolest edit I have ever done. :)

One and only Garrett, I took this one in Florida. It was a amazing experience I'll never forget.

Wee, thats a lot of pictures. I got a little carried away, hehe. Wooopops! ^-^
Fin!

Ralph Steadman. (fear and loathing in las vegas artwork)

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 09:29:27 GMT

This guy is pretty talented. This personally is one of my favorite pieces of his mostly because of the humor in it. He has his own unique way to drawing/sketching. Someone rich (hi,tk!) should buy me one of his posters! They're only like 100 dollars. ^_^ Yeah, don't worry~ I won't hold my breath.
www.ralphsteadman.com

P.S
Someone please send me some ambien. I can't fucking sleep or think!

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 08:23:22 GMT

dirty dirty

Beyond the chemistry.

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 10:29:45 GMT

I saw Before Sunrise tonight and I have to say that it was more powerful and romantic than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I mean, that is fucking amazing to tell you the truth. I know not everyone is going to agree with me by a long shot..but honestly, it could have been the way I felt today when I saw it, maybe the weather made it better who the hell knows. I just know that I enjoyed that movie vastly & appreciate it more then you do. I bet I enjoyed it more then anyone else did also. ^.~ It's not that type of enjoyed where I am going to make cute little icons out of screen shots to make my livejournal look pretty or buy the movie poster(s). It is completely beyond that. But I am going to close this subject because it is too important to me to even let anyone else know about. Which you probably don't understand, I'm sure. And that is perfectly fine with me.

In other news, I have colon cancer. Yeah, I'm moving back to Louisville, KY & honestly I don't know which one is fucking worse. But I guess I have no option but to move. It is impossible to think optimistically about it since everyone that knows me fairly well knows for a fact that I was more miserable than jesus being crucified. That year I lived there was perhaps the most dreadful year of my life. Enough complaining though, what does it help besides making yourself look like a whiny bitch? I'm going to keep my chin held up high and do the best I can. Try and get transfered to another Blockbuster and finally go back to high school. I know that it will help me tremendously to keep busy. I'll defeat the bad karma, fuck you!

I don't know how much longer I'll be here but while I am here I'm going to take every minute I have left & spend it on friends & party because I'm going to miss you guys so much. You are the only thing I'll miss about Memphis. What else is there to miss, really? <3
Love you guys. Thank you for being there & keeping me sane. :)

long conversations and dollar menu mania

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 08:00:16 GMT

I've been having a wonderful time with you, Garrett. Our time together has been remarkable and very memorable. I love you tons & thank you so much for being you. You are one of a kind. <3 And I am very lucky to have you in my life.
xoxoxo :)

My black & white photography. And a cherry on top.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 09:07:19 GMT

Woman from the 50's and 60's were the most beautiful.

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 23:33:48 GMT

Mamie Van Doren

I'm crazing rare 50's & 60's movies. I guess you could say Mamie Van Doren was like a classic B movie goddess. Shes absolutely breathtaking in her photos. I am dying to see her films. They are really hard to find but I like the challenge. Luckly, I have Teachers Pet at work!
I need a movie buddy, really. I love watching movies alone sometimes, but It would be nice to have someone to discuss and appreciate movies with. Especially while I'm going through this old cinema phase.

Debra Paget

Julie Adams

Next...Beach Party films!!

dedicated to mr. salad fingers and his fingerpuppets

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 19:36:06 GMT

Pictures that Michael,Greg and I took. :)
We did a pretty bad ass job considering we had some ghetto batteries that lasted literally 5 minutes long (thats about 5 pictures every two batteries). I had a great time and I just wish I could hang out with you guys more often.

Beautiful simplicity.

Mr. Gregory..Peronally, this is one of my favorite pictures of him (because I took it of course)

I edited this one and I really love how it turned out. This picture says a lot.

Fin. <3

Hippie moves, boy I wish it was the 70's again.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 20:33:19 GMT

Psychiatrists prescribe these drugs like Prozac,Halcyon, and Valium. I say, why not marijuana or mushrooms? You know, God (or whoever the fuck you believe in) made something naturally. Of course, I'm not advocating mushrooms. I just don't understand why the government acknowledges the fact that some people need something to change their bad mood, but that the only way to do that is choosing some drug on their list.
Why? God made mushrooms, right? They're natural! I don't know who the hell is making Prozac, but God made the mushrooms. Does God make mistakes?
I don't think so.
Why are there so many kinds of mushrooms, and one kind that's really different?
It's like one mushroom is good in sauce (personally I don't think so though, yuckie), one is good on eggs, and then this special one that makes you laugh hysterically and see things for what they are for eight straight hours. (give or take ;])
That doesn't seem random to me. Because God knows that sometimes you need to laugh and have the best time for eight hours straight. He knows life sucks some huge black dick. It's right there in the bible. Look at the book of Job. It is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery.
He says, "No, I can't. But I'll give you lots of drugs. That's the best I can do. I'll give you drugs, but I can't take away the pain & misery because then no one would talk to me."
Let's face it, God or whoever the hell created us has a huge ego problem. Why do we always have to worship Him, really?
"Oh, your the greatest. You're perfect. We're fuck ups in every little way. You know everything and we're in the dark."
Secure people don't need to hear that all that fucking time.
I believe Mr. Kevorkian was onto something. He's great. Because suicide is our little way of saying to God, "You can't fire me, I fucking quit".

Cutting down some dead trees.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 10:27:38 GMT

I've reduced my friends list by 6o, I think. I can't stand reading 90 journals. 96% of the people on my friends list, I don't even speak too or haven't at all. Whats the fucking point? So, I'm keeping my friends list to a minimum so I can actually read the journals I want, instead of skipping over a 100 to find the ones I care about. ^_^
Off to bed! ni'ni everyone!

Hero

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 04:42:10 GMT

I heard this song tonight. I remembered and giggled a ton because it brings back certain memories that are pleasant to have. Heee, It is great because no one else knows but a certain someone and me. :)

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cry?
And would you save my soul, tonight?
Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I CAN BE YER HERO BABYYYY I CAN KISS AWAY THE TEAARSS! uHH, PAIN I MEAN. (OOPSY)
I WILL STAND BY YOU FOREVERR. LAAA. :)
^.^
Wow, that song is as good and original as N'sync's-Tearin' up my heart..But I can't decide which is better. Actually, Backstreet boys win love songs of the century. :D

Ranting and raving, thank you.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 23:49:46 GMT

Let me tell you a situation that makes no sense at all! Or, Hey, if it does let me know! Because obviously there must be something wrong with my thinking. I'll go ahead and mention names also, because this is just plain stupid.
I ask Garrett if I can come along with him and his friend to Circuit City. He tells me,
"If you want too, but too bad my friend doesn't want to come get you".
So I ask, "Why can't you come get me with your car then?"
"My car has been blowing out smoke and I'm scared to drive it all the way over there.BUT, I can come see you after he leaves!"
(Oh, wow! Hi, mister excuses. Garrett's best friend.)
So I tell him, "If you don't want to hang out with me today, you can just tell me. It is pretty understandable considering we've been hanging out constantly."
Of course being the non-liar he is, he says, "I do, just we can't fit 3 people in Daniel's truck"
Him and I have only been over the whole "no i do buts this and this" MILLIONS OF TIMES! I have always told him that is was okay if didn't want to see me for a day because I feel the same way too sometimes.
Now, come on. I know you can fit 3 people in there because we've done it before. (pretty retarded excuse) Then, he'll say, "Daniel has expired tags and broken doors so it wouldn't be a good idea for three people to be in the car because thats more of a chance of getting pulled over for smoking pot in the truck!"
Man, Garrett. You sure out did me. I can't even begin to get over it.
Your fucking retarded if you go smoking pot while driving in a car with expired tags in a ghetto beaten up truck. Am I right or fucking what?

So, fuck you for always telling me that you never make up excuses because heres a perfect example. If those aren't fucking excuses, I don't know what the fuck is!
Even though, this might not be that important to you, it is to me,and it pisses me off because you always do this bullshit. Just tell me the business instead of trying to beat around the bush and make yourself look good, its sick. Not to mention, You know I havent been in the best shape lately so it wouldnt have hurt if you took me out. (I never fucking spoil the time , I dont get it) It is just selfish. It wouldnt have been as bad if you were just truthful!

P.S. Wow, this is so familiar. I think I used to have a ex-boyfriend who is/was just like this. ^_^ Lucky me.
Oh, and PLEASE STOP POSTING IN GREG'S JOURNAL FOR THE 100TH TIME. Christ.

Uh oh!

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 11:18:33 GMT

Happpy Birthday Michael!!!
I love you and cheers for another year of being alive!
(Don't worry, we are still going to see A Cinderella Story
AND then goto Blockbuster to pick up your favorite (Ski Patrol)!! YAY! PILLOW FIGHT! You just have the best ideas EVER! Hehe!)

K is for KOWABUNGA.

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 13:15:17 GMT

I'm one happy pussyfoot right now.. and I have been ALL day. I have forgotten what it was like to be happy 24 hours of the day! I had absolutly NO downfalls today, nothing at all. Everything went as smooth as a stingray. Today felt like it did when I was younger~ Carefree..highly interested..easily entertained..hyper..NOT DEPRESSED. =^'.'^= Wow, how abnormal is that!

I woke up this morning feeling pretty damn good and I had a yummy bowl of cocopuffs. (I'm koo koo for cocopuffs all day :D) I took my cure drug (Adderall) and it fixed me, completely! I could actually think correctly and concentrate beyond any words. I felt like the most sociable person in the universe. I felt outgoing,secure,beautiful,and independent. Adderall completes me. It fills that cavity I have, where depression,anxiety and anti-socialness lurks. (i made up a new word! socialness. i likey. ;])

I went out on a amazing date and had the perfect time (no doubts about it). We went to pawn shops to find really cheap VHS's (which I found four good ones *purrs*), went to this nifty little thrift shop on Summer (that is never open but finally was today surprisingly), skipped away to Animax looked at Hentai videos & magazines (sexy bondage videos *grinnn*) and checked out the really cute japanese toys they had! Like Mashimaro plush that I got. It is adorable!! I'll post pictures later since I know you'll die once you see it, hehe. Headed over to Palace Cinema to see Spider Man 2 (which was very good by the way..Kirsten Dunst wasn't too bad even though she looked like she was about to fall asleep all the way through the movie because her eyes really suck and try to sag everywhere.), then decided to goto Bookstar (the ultimate party place!) and read lots of books (including William Burroughs' "Cat Inside", Chuck Palahniuk's "Choke" and a little of "Michael Moore is a stupid white man")! I enjoyed my time at Bookstar very much. Bookstores are one of my favorite places to go. Theres nothing better than big comfy couches,reading books/magazines for free, and being with Garrett at the same time. Okay..well..maybe there is better..Teeeeheee! Second best anyway. ^.~ We ended up staying for 2 hours or more..It was so weird that I could actually read a book without my mind wandering off or all the letters getting jumbled up together making it impossible to read. I took hell of advantage of that and read like televisions didn't even exist anymore. We had the best conversations imaginable!! He is the only person I could talk to for hours and hours. It is truly wonderful and I am so thankful to have him in my life right now. He has been a tremendous (even larger) help by far. <3 ^_^

Anyway! Happy Fourth of July everyone! Throw lots of firecrackers at idiots for me..I'll be at work. *sob* But it is okay because I make 10.60 an hour for working on a holiday~ So, I'll be enjoying my time by thinking about $$$$ and watching Spongebob.
Maybe some homeless guy will have some firework toys and he'll suddenly want to give me some on my break so we can have a exploding firecracker time together!yyyyeea! ^_^ Wishful thinking..... Nothing that cool would ever happen. :(

A review for "The Cat Inside"
Cats rule and so does this book, August 26, 2003
Reviewer: Justin (see more about me) from Nintendotown, USA
Yo whatsup, this book is rad and if you like cats then you better stick it in your face right now. It is very short so I didn't get antsy AT ALL while reading. Incidentally, I saw this guy buying a calander called "I Hate Cats" and I punched him in the back of the head. Now I can't go back to Borders. But whatsup now sucka.
Hahaha, the best review ever!!!

P.S Gaaarreett!! I love you!! ^___________^ Thought you should know, hehe. <3

For those of you who like news~ :)

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 07:56:59 GMT

Cosby Has Harsh Words for Black Community
By DON BABWIN
Associated Press Writer

CHICAGO - Bill Cosby went off on another tirade against the black community Thursday, telling a room full of activists that black children are running around not knowing how to read or write and "going nowhere."

He also had harsh words for struggling black men, telling them: "Stop beating up your women because you can't find a job."

Cosby made headlines in May when he upbraided some poor blacks for their grammar and accused them of squandering opportunities the civil rights movement gave them. He shot back Thursday, saying his detractors were trying in vain to hide the black community's "dirty laundry."
"Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other n------ as they're walking up and down the street," Cosby said during an appearance at the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition & Citizenship Education Fund's annual conference.

"They think they're hip," the entertainer said. "They can't read; they can't write. They're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere."

In his remarks in May at a commemoration of the anniversary of the Brown v. Board of Education desegregation decision, Cosby denounced some blacks' grammar and said those who commit crimes and wind up behind bars "are not political prisoners."
"I can't even talk the way these people talk, 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... and I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk," Cosby said then. "And then I heard the father talk ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth."

Cosby elaborated Thursday on his previous comments in a talk interrupted several times by applause. He castigated some blacks, saying that they cannot simply blame whites for problems such as teen pregnancy and high school dropout rates.
"For me there is a time ... when we have to turn the mirror around," he said. "Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you're sitting in."

Cosby lamented that the racial slurs once used by those who lynched blacks are now a favorite expression of black children. And he blamed parents.
"When you put on a record and that record is yelling `n----- this and n----- that' and you've got your little 6-year-old, 7-year-old sitting in the back seat of the car, those children hear that," he said.
He also condemned black men who missed out on opportunities and are now angry about their lives.

"You've got to stop beating up your women because you can't find a job, because you didn't want to get an education and now you're (earning) minimum wage," Cosby said. "You should have thought more of yourself when you were in high school, when you had an opportunity."

Cosby appeared Thursday with the Rev. Jesse Jackson, founder and president of the education fund, who defended the entertainer's statements.
"Bill is saying let's fight the right fight, let's level the playing field," Jackson said. "Drunk people can't do that. Illiterate people can't do that."

Cosby also said many young people are failing to honor the sacrifices made by those who struggled and died during the civil rights movement.
"Dogs, water hoses that tear the bark off trees, Emmett Till," he said, naming the black youth who was tortured and murdered in Mississippi in 1955, allegedly for whistling at a white woman. "And you're going to tell me you're going to drop out of school? You're going to tell me you're going to steal from a store?"

Cosby also said he wasn't concerned that some whites took his comments and turned them "against our people."

"Let them talk," he said.

kill you with cuteness

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 11:49:31 GMT

cinemawhore number two

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 08:55:05 GMT

1) What is your favourite movie?
Buffalo 66' hands down
2) What's your least favourite?
The Coroner now. It was I Love You, I Love You Not. :X Both really horrible.
3) Did you have a movie that you watched over and over again as a kid? What was it?
Little Mermaid & Land Before Time :)
4) What's the last movie you saw in theatres? What did you think of it?
The Terminal, pretty good movie..Not really my cup of tea but it was good nonetheless.
5) What movie genre is your favourite?
Drama, of course!
6) What is your favourite movie quote?
I can't think of one right now..bah.
7) Name your favourite actor(s) and actress(es).
Actors - Johnny Depp, Edward Norton (his ass needs to get working on more movies before I disown him), and Vincent Gallo
Actresses- Chloe Sevigney, Kate Winslet, Lucille Ball, Dominique Swain, and Maggie Gyllenhaal
8) What actors and actresses can you not stand?
Kirsten Dunst (I'd have to agree with miss dementedreality)
9) Do you have a favourite director? If so, who is it?
Larry Clark, Adrian Lyne, David Lynch, and David Cronenberg
10) What movie, have you seen the most in theatres?
Umm..unfortunately..thanks to tucker..Van Helsing *vomits* What a bad movie! GRR!
11) What movie(s) do you recommend?
Leon, Secretary, Dead Ringers, Wild At Heart, Lolita (Adrian Lyne's version), Bully, Cruel Intentions, Heavenly Creatures, May

Has anyone seen Jane White Is Sick & Twisted? Comments?
Post this survey somewhere so I can see your answers. =^..^=