i am content

A closure.

I've came to the conclusion tonight that I have only TWO motivations to move on with my life and continue with this fictitious happiness.
To be with my true love, be able to fall in his arms and enter his mind and emotions. Sweep him off his feet & make him the most happiest person alive. Finally be truly happy & fulfilled once again. I will wait forever for Michael and I will give up everything to be with him once again because being with him is my profound euphoria. I have never felt that way with anyone else or with anything. I know that he is my true love and something way beyond that. I haven't been with him in over a year now...and I feel just as strongly about him as I did when I first spoke to him. A concrete feeling. It is never ending & never fading. He is my other half. I feel it and I know it. I've known it from the beginning.

I will walk through life with my moms attitude. I will conquer my depression & learn how to live this fake plastic life. To survive. Learn how to live happily even though it never will be true happiness... I am going to prove to my mom that I am intelligent & capable of anything I put my mind too. I want her to be proud of me.

This is all I honestly want in my life. I'll pray every night for these things to come true.
i am content

<3

this journal is now history~
i am content

My kittys <3

Listen up! I REALLY need someone to help me take my kittys off my hands. I'm about to move to Kentucky in a few weeks or less and it would mean the world to me if one of my friends or at least aquantences would adopt at least one of them...I love them so much that I don't want to give them up to anyone else but someone I know so I can see them again and keep in touch with how they are doing. They are perfectly healthy kittys and they are so lovable and playful. I swear you would fall madly in love. :) I don't want to post pictures of them because photographs do not do them justice, at all. So, if you are interested (ANYONE!) please let me know. We can arrange a meeting so you can bound with the kitty and I'll tell you all about them. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I just hate the idea of giving them to a complete stranger. :( Honestly, I hate giving them away to anyone. But it is a emergency! =^..=^

Also, if anyone knows my mother, please give her a call at the hospital. She needs all the support she can get. The doctor told us this morning that she has only days,weeks, or a month left to be alive... I would appreciate it so much if any old friends would give her a call at least..and even better come visit her. She'll be recieving hospice very soon..so that is the reason why we are moving to Kentucky, at least there she would have her family there for her since almost all of her friends in Memphis basically told her fuck you.
The number is 726-7616.
i am content

Answers please!

This might be a weird question..but I was wondering if someone could give me the correct definition of "blue balls"?
I feel retarded for asking but I'm clueless and dictionary.com didn't work. *sob*

P.S. Isn't my icon rocking? :) Thats my cute kitty (best friend), Athena. <3
  • Current Music
    mariah carey
i am content

Blergh.

Life can be so overwhelming at times...
Not always in a good way either.
My emotions feel like they are riding on one of those piece of shit roller coasters at Liberty Land. I could fall off at anytime.
Not much more time until I am at the top of the drop off. It'll be too late to save me then.
  • Current Music
    Smashing Pumpkins
i am content

9-11 dundundun....

Tonight was definitely one of those random surprisingly good nights. I got off work around 4pm thinking I was just going to sit at home all night playing Final Fantasy X2 in my pajamas, watching porn and eating myself to death. (Don't get me wrong, those nights are pretty damn worthy!) But it doesn't beat reuniting with one of your old best friends, while you were feeling nostalgic all day long. It was so refreshing to see her again & do some of the old things we used to love doing. I had such a wonderful time. She has changed a lot but in a nice way. I'm so grateful that we get along as much as we used too. I've been so nervous about hanging out with her lately that I've been delaying it. (not to mention my anti-social behavior doesn't help one bit)
I would much rather left it off on a good note then a bad one. I'm glad I took the chance though, completely worth it!
Yaaay, I'm so happy I could run around the block naked. =^..^=
Ookkay, so maybe not. I could however run around my house nakie. Weee, oh and by the way..I got to see Michael (always a good thing) and tomorrow is going to kick ass just like every Saturday. Hope everyone elses does too! :)
Happy 9/11 everyone!
  • Current Music
    journey
i am content

i discovered new talented artists and one percent of my brain

Just to keep everyone informed I'll make a quick update. ^-^
I've been doing well & I have been having the time of my life..I don't think it could get any better then this. I don't know when I am moving..but obviously it isn't going to be very soon, so I'm not going to worry about it for the time being. Appreciating the special people in my life and great things I have right now..That is all that matters. You only live once, right?
P.S Why is it everytime I write in this damn thing it feels like I'm fucking typing a research paper or something? Reminder: It's a personal journal.

Andrew Bawidamann
(Is this the guy who did Anna Nicole's intro cartoon to her show? It looks nearly like it)


Jennifer Janesko


Olivia de Berardinis


I'm going a little girl crazy. :)
  • Current Music
    ethan hawke-i'm nuthin
i am content

Photo galore!

I'm cleaning out my computer because I have to reformat the piece of shit & along the way I found some old photography of mine. Hope you enjoy! ^-^

My grandmother, without her beauty this picture would have not been so gorgeous.


Sunshine, shes one of the cutest kitty's ever!


Jack, i'm not too bad of a artist!


Pickle BickleCollapse )
  • Current Music
    barry white
i am content

Ralph Steadman. (fear and loathing in las vegas artwork)



This guy is pretty talented. This personally is one of my favorite pieces of his mostly because of the humor in it. He has his own unique way to drawing/sketching. Someone rich (hi,tk!) should buy me one of his posters! They're only like 100 dollars. ^_^ Yeah, don't worry~ I won't hold my breath.
www.ralphsteadman.com

P.S
Someone please send me some ambien. I can't fucking sleep or think!
  • Current Music
    stabbing westward (if only i could remember the titles..)